(It's still December 31st where I am)
Everything is a blessing in disguise if you only can make it so.
Back in 2019, when I tore my ligament, I was so miserable. I couldn't do what I loved, it wouldn't heal on its own, and – maybe worst of all at the time – I was forced to rely on others. Relying on others is not something I'm particularly good at.
And then the pandemic started.
A year ago now, around this time, I met a wonderful group of people. They live far away, in random parts of the country, but for a year now we've been getting together nearly every Tuesday and Friday to play games. Some of them have become close friends of mine. Had I not gotten injured, I probably wouldn't have gotten into playing silly 2D games (yeah, you guessed it). Had the pandemic not happened, I wouldn't have ended up spending so much time with these people. Some of us went on a trip this past summer, and some I will see for the first time in February. Sometimes blessings await in unexpected places.
Had I not gotten injured, I wouldn't have achieved so much self-discipline. I now have a much healthier routine to prevent my body from going through the same experience again, and it doesn't feel like a burden. It keeps me grounded and sane – and, well, I have abs now!
Had I not gotten injured, I wouldn't have had to make a decision to undergo surgery. Sometimes going against what everyone says is the only way to grow.
Had I not gotten injured, I probably wouldn't have felt such a burning need to seek therapy. Therapy... has helped me a lot.
Had I not gotten injured, I wouldn't be paying so much attention to doing things properly now. It was "do or die" before, and I thought being reckless was the only way to go. That self-preservation is cowardly. That I could take anything. Now I know I can't take anything – nobody can. But I can take a lot. And the better versed you are in the skill of self-preservation, the more, in fact, you can take.
Had I not gotten injured, I wouldn't have grown as a person in the way that I have. I don't regret anything. These experiences have made me who I am today.
For me, 2021 was about... making a comeback. In so many ways. Ah, how I love the good old, totally basic idea of coming back after having been knocked down, and coming back stronger than you were before. Such a staple, but in any media, it always raises goosebumps on my arms. Turns out, it feels good when you actually do it yourself. It's a lot of work. But it's so worth it.
I'm back on the court, by the way. I play so much better now.
There is still a lot of work to be done, but it's great, really. It's not the destination, it's the journey, and all that jazz.
I have made a lot of friends this year.
I feel good, and less afraid to be vulnerable than I have been in a long time.
In 2022, I just want to get a lot of things done. Time to live in the present. I can procrastinate tasks, but I must not procrastinate life. And it's not like flipping a switch on January 1st; In fact, I've already started and I just want to keep the momentum going. Go places, take risks, start new adventures, and not care about what others think. Because who will care about what I think? I have to be the one.
(God do I want to get that tattoo!)
As for the emotional disconnect from last year, well, it stays. I still have trouble processing negative emotions in a timely manner. Throw me into a stressful situation, and I will be perfectly collected and will get myself up and running fast – and then I will break down a day, a week, or even a month later, when it's long over, and I won't even know why. “Do the scary thing first, and get scared later.” But I mean, it's fine. I'm just quirky like that, tee-hee.
Anyways, Happy New Year everyone. Just do what you gotta do and make 2022 whatever you need it to be. Make the most out of it – or don't, because who cares? Make your own fucking rules for what the coming year should look like to you.
Akira out.
I am wide awake
And I'm standing tall
Up against the world
Up against the wall
Between the love and hate
They can hardly wait
To watch the hero fall
You could give me hell
You could give me death
But before I bend
I will have revenge
Fire through my veins
I will fan the flames
Until my dying breath
'Cause I will never go down
Any other way
I will never go down
Any other way
Gasoline pumping through my veins
Dancing on top of the flames
I will never go down
Any other way
Any other way.